Not a Victim Blog #6
Since my last post I’ve been researching narcissism and what God has to say about the subject in His Word. The book, “The First Will Be Last” (DC Robertsson) was recommended to me by a Facebook writing group member. Here’s a link for research,
I also found a couple of books at Barns and Noble on the subject. I’m not going to reference them here because I’ve not yet researched the authors or reading material to be able to comment either way. But if you are doing your own research, they are located in the Psychology genre section under Narcissists and Gaslighting.
As noted in the book mentioned earlier, there are numerous so called, ‘experts’ on the subject. But who do we listen to? Who do we trust? Even professional doctors are all over about the subject. Is it a mental illness? Is it a personality disorder? Is it learned? Is it inherited? Is it formed by a persons surroundings? Or, is it a sin problem?
Like so many subjects in our day, it’s hard to know who and what to believe, no matter what credentials a person has in front or behind their name. I am definitely not a professional and I do not claim to know how, why, or what makes a narcissist tick. In fact, I feel it’s safe to say we may all have some type of narcissistic ways in us.
But, I will say this. I have had a true, full on narcissistic person in my life. I just didn’t realize it until recently. Let me be very clear…I don’t know the answers.
What I do know is that having a relative with this trait is a challenge beyond challenges. If it’s possible to not associate with a Gaslighter, good. That’s an easy answer. But sometimes that’s not a possibility.
With personal experience I can say with full confidence, that the even larger danger is with us, how we react. Are we harboring anger? Are we holding on to un-forgiveness and resentful feelings? Do we have a wall around us that keeps us cold and distanced from loved ones? Or do we continually walk into the traps and give in to the constant degrading and immoralizing of our person?
Yes we must forgive. We must love. But how do we do this? How do we keep up a wall against the negative all the while keeping our attitude pure? That’s a tricky one and one that I’ve been struggling with for years.
The other day my husband and I had a nice desert on a pier. We were enjoying the view of the ocean while waiting for the sunset. But the sun was so bright, it blinded us. Fortunately the restaurant had sun shades. The shades kept the brightness of the sun out of our eyes and allowed us to see the ocean. Our view was not as it should be, but we could still enjoy our surroundings. God used this as an anoligy to help me understand dealing with a narcissistic person. Use a sunshade instead of a wall. It keeps out the harshness while allowing us to enjoy the relationship. It’s not going to be as it should, but none the less, we can enjoy it.
The problem is, this is easier said than done. How do we do this? That is what I want to explore, learn, practice and share.
Some things I know, being a child of God is a must; to have Jesus in our heart and let the Holy Spirit indwell us. Prayer is a must. Let God have control of our mouths and attitudes is a must.
What are some practical things we as humans can do? Let’s read Gods word and learn together. Would love to hear your ideas…share your comments and questions below.
#Narcissistic
#Narcissist
#Gaslighting
#Barnesandnoble
#victim
#notavictim
#forgivethem
#loveall